shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
