sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
