shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
