did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
