Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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