is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
