Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
