she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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