I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
