You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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