I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Too much gin, very little bucket
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
