I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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