You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
