im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
two words: eviction party
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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