would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
