i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
