Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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