OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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