what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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