I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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