Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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