that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
