Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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