I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
