That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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