If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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