I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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