U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize