Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
