He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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