i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
