apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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