omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
