btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
