I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
