in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
