We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
