Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
