can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
