Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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