pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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