"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
