You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
