I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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