I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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