Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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