They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
