a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
