3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
