what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize