Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
