i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
