1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
