i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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