I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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