I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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