I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
