i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
