i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
