um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
