Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
