i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
