After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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