I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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