trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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