I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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