He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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