things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
