i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
