There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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