Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
