he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
