she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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