I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
