I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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