never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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