New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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